Working with my clients on a regular basis I see an interesting and obvious phenomenon – they often come last. After the kids, job and spouse – there might be a little left over for them. And sometimes nothing is left over.
Try as you might to convince yourself that is the way things work in your life and let’s go even further – in society – you carry on. For whatever reason, you believe you are not ever going to have time, energy or the ability to focus on yourself, after all – there’s so much to do!
Here are YOUR 5 Keys on How to put Yourself First:
Key #1 Don’t Wait. If your spouse works late, try to serve yourself earlier so you don’t get stuck eating too late in the day, which can often be a problem potentially causing weight gain, disrupted sleep or digestive distress. Of course, if you want to share some special end of the day time with your spouse you can always opt for joining them at the dining room table once they sit down to enjoy their evening meal. Always make sure you’re taken care of. This same rule applies to your older children who are involved in after school activities as well.
Key #2 Have What You Want. When out with friends, family or colleagues forget about seeing what everyone else is having. Make sure you’re having what you want and ultimately need – a healthy meal, good company and enjoyment. Don’t worry that you may be missing out on something – remember you don’t want that food (type and/or quantity) to go from your eyes to your thighs. It can be especially difficult if one of your dinner mates is the type presumably that can eat whatever they want without gaining a lb. Unless you live with them you really don’t know what they are doing on a daily basis anyway. And you need to also consider their level of exercise, rest and genetics which can be significantly different from yours.
Key #3 Make Everyday Your Birthday. Why not? Feeling special is a basic human need. Treating yourself like you are the most important person in your life is a good idea. Upholding yourself without judgment is foundational to the work I do with clients. An amazing side effect of treating yourself well is that others will feel it, too. Just by association they will feel special. You and those you surround yourself with will benefit from your positive approach to life – it’s contagious. After all how can you be miserable if you feel special?
Key #4 The Gift of Nourishment. Giving yourself the gift of nourishing foods and enriching activities is extremely important. To function optimally you need to engage in, at least 80-90% of the time, things that invigorate and have meaning for you. Yes, even something as simple as a healthy balanced meal. The meal of salmon and asparagus for example, may not be exciting, but it’s definitely a healthy and nourishing meal.
Just last night my husband and I prepared our dinner together – something we don’t do often. It’s usually my husband who prepares the entire meal. But last night was different. I prepared the shrimp and he prepared a kind of simple almost pad thai type of sauce – curry powder, onions, garlic and Chinese-Vietnamese hot chili sauce called Sriracha and steamed asparagus. Voila – simple, healthy and oh so yummy! An example of nourishing foods and enriching activities all in one.
Key #5 Appetizers, Please. You don’t need to have a full meal when dining out. You can choose smaller plates like a small salad, sashimi or tuna tartar. Avoid the fried, greasy pre-meal bites often found in restaurants. Choose healthy, fresh and small. And remember even if you do have a main course you can always split it in half the minute the waiter brings it to you. You can physically separate it right away or at the very least visually – staking out your plate territory determining what goes in your tummy and what goes home with you to enjoy for tomorrow’s lunch possibly.
Secret #2 – Sleep More Here’s another piece of medicine that will hold back the hands of father (or mother) time. Without sleep you are bound to stimulate aging stress hormones. Not only stress hormones but also brain chemicals get out of whack as well. Without sleep you also tend to make poor food choices and don’t have the stamina for daily exercise. You actually, more often than not, end up making poor choices in every part of your life. You start craving stimulants in the form of sugar, caffeine to rev you up and alcohol to calm you down enough to make you drowsy. It might do the job to relax you initially but will end up disturbing your sleep more than you think. Best you learn strategies to help naturally calm you down at night. For one turn off the computer a couple hours before sleep. Take the TV out of your bedroom and avoid eating late at night. Honor your slumber needs.
Secret #3 Worry Less: Not an easy feat – our culture requires it of us. We are not normal if we don’t worry and fret about something – right? As easy as it is to tell you not to worry you probably will. I suggest you reduce your addiction to this behavior, however. The best anti-dote to worry is gratefulness. How can you possibly feel full of worry if you are feeling grateful for all the wonderful people and things in your life? Impossible, really. Go ahead and try it. Imagine 5 things you are feeling most blessed about in your life and in the next moment think of something you are worried about. How did that go? Well your worry scale went down a notch or two didn’t it? This requires practice. I suggest you get in the habit of focusing on the things you’re grateful for in your life – list 10, 30 or 50 or more things. Get in the habit. This works for worry’s favorite cousin anxiety, too. As you are mastering this technique you’ll find your tendency for stress eating should start diminishing. You will feel better and look younger – guaranteed!
Law #2 Eat Slower. Did you know eating slower not only helps your digestion but you also will eat less? This does take practice but you can do it. Take time to taste, savor and enjoy your food. Do as the Europeans do “respect food” rather than overeating – possibly shoving it down and eating while doing something else. Make believe you’re in a Paris Café if that helps.
Law #3 Have a “Vacation State of Mind”. Don’t wait for Summer Vacation to relax and feel good – start now. If you are constantly thinking about the future well, of course, you will not appreciate today. As with food begin to savor the day’s richness and flavor. Plan for smoothness in your life versus always having complications, delays or misunderstandings. It’s often just as simple as focusing on having ease in your life. Difficulties create undo stress. Why not choose to re-route these perceived difficulties and take a detour instead?
#6 Listening to Everyone Else. You think you’re committed but then 5 friends or family members have a better idea and offer their opinion. You end up being confused and without consulting an expert you quit. The Solution: Stop listening to everyone and anyone. Everyone has an opinion “you should do the Belly Fat or Cookie Diet” says Aunt Shirley. Stop the confusion it will only paralyze you and you’ll never get started. You may not want to tell anyone what you’re doing initially. Get used to the new program you’re on, work with someone who’ll help you stay the course. Then let others come to you and ask YOU what YOU’RE doing and what advice YOU can offer THEM. You have now become the expert of YOU – congratulations!
