On the eve of my husband’s birthday, I felt it was the perfect moment to share this with you – a reflection on love, caregiving, and the lessons I learned…
Caregiving changes you. It tests your strength, patience, and heart in ways you could never imagine. In this deeply personal reflection, I share what I learned from caring for my husband through years of illness – the love that sustained us, the trauma that followed, and the lessons that continue to shape my healing journey today.
A Journey of Love, Loss, and Strength
This article is different from others I’ve written. It comes straight from the heart—not that my other work hasn’t—but this one comes from lived experience: the experience of being a caregiver and watching someone you love suffer right before your eyes, every day. It’s one of the hardest things anyone can go through – and even harder to forget.
“Years of challenge taught me what I was truly made of.”
The trauma of 24-hour caregiving of being constantly on alert, of not knowing if my husband would still be alive when I came down the stairs each morning—that kind of stress leaves a mark. It took me years to begin feeling calmer and less triggered inside.
It’s now been three and a half years since I lost him, and only recently have I been able to walk into a hospital again without panic. I suffered from post–caregiver PTSD (PCPTSD) – a form of caregiver trauma many people experience but few talk about. Soldiers in war zones know what they’re facing. But when your “war zone” is your living room, and your loved one is the patient, PTSD feels like something you shouldn’t have. Yet it’s very real.
What helped me most was the support of friends, family, and community. It truly took a village to keep things going. Over the years, countless caregivers, nurses, and allied health professionals came through our home – it often felt like a full-scale operation.
“I used to say I was the CEO of a hospital at home.”
The Complex Role of Caregiving
Have you ever cared for a loved one—or are you doing so now? It’s one of the most complex, emotional experiences you can have. I cared for my husband for seven years as his health slowly declined. There were countless hospital visits – many to the ER, and many admissions lasting one to three weeks at a time.
I noticed something surprising: the sicker he became, the more health benefits, programs, and supports became available. It was especially evident in 2020, when the world shut down. I remember saying more than once, “Welcome to my world.” I had already been living that reality for years – unable to make plans, facing constant health concerns, living with unpredictability, and navigating the medical and insurance systems daily.
This is the unseen side of caregiver burnout – the exhaustion that builds when you give everything you have, day after day, to someone you love.
Feeding the Body and the Soul
Nutrition was another challenge. I had to manage a kidney-friendly, dialysis-approved diet that later became a puréed diet during his final years. Even with Meals on Wheels delivering food, I was constantly supplementing for extra protein and calories as he continued losing weight. But caregiving isn’t just about feeding the body – it’s about feeding your own soul too.
How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Another
Caregiving takes grit, determination, and an open heart.
Not everyone can do it – and that’s okay. If you can’t, or couldn’t, there’s no need for guilt. Therapy helps. Friends and family help. Laughter helps. And above all, love pulls you through.
In my husband’s final days, doctors often marveled at how he kept bouncing back from the brink. My answer was simple: Vitamin L.
“Vitamin L” or Vitamin Love – is the most powerful supplement of all.
It’s made of devotion, focus, and unwavering commitment – to your loved one, to yourself, and to life itself. I know without a doubt that love kept my husband alive far longer than expected. And I would do it all again.
Through it all, love was present – not always, but often enough, and with the right people at the right times. Love has the power to heal. Even though my husband didn’t survive, he was deeply loved and cared for to the very end. Our final Christmas together in 2021 was bittersweet – filled with sadness, yes, but also deep joy and profound insight.
If You’re Caring for Someone Now
If you’re in the middle of caregiving, please know help is available. Ask for it. There are organizations, family members, friends, and compassionate professionals ready to assist. You’ll form relationships with doctors, nurses, and staff – lean on them.
Ask questions. Ask for resources. Don’t try to do everything alone. The more help you accept, the stronger you’ll be – for both your loved one and yourself. Take breaks. A break might be as simple as closing the door for an hour, meditating, or watching a funny movie. Eat nourishing foods. Get as much rest as you can.
Take your own doctor appointments seriously. Have lunch with friends. Enroll in an online course. Go for walks. Do something – anything – that helps you feel human again.
“You don’t have to be a hero. You already are one.”
Let go of the idea that you can or should do it all yourself. You can’t—and you shouldn’t. You deserve care, too.
Honor Your Emotions
Perhaps most importantly, honor your emotions – all of them.The good, the bad, and the messy.
They’re all valid, and they’re all teachers. Anger doesn’t make you ungrateful; sadness doesn’t make you weak. Allow your feelings to surface, acknowledge them, and let them guide you toward understanding or release. Grief healing takes time – and being gentle with yourself can help ease the way forward.
Caregiving is rarely a gentle journey. But being gentle – with yourself and your loved one – makes the road a little easier.
Five Key Takeaways
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Ask for help early and often. You can’t and shouldn’t do this alone.
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Take care of your own health. Eat well, rest deeply, and stay connected.
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Find your “Vitamin L.” Love fuels both the caregiver and the cared-for.
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Honor all emotions. Every feeling you have is valid and human.
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Stay connected to support. Community, laughter, and compassion make everything more bearable.
If this story resonates with you, if you’re feeling depleted, lost, or simply ready to feel like yourself again, I offer personalized caregiver coaching. Together, we’ll create space for your healing, restore balance, and help you rediscover your strength and peace.
Learn more about my Caregiver Renewal Program
If you’d like support or guidance on your caregiving journey, I offer private caregiver coaching support to help you restore balance, peace, and self-care.



















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