Archive for stress reduction

Even You Need to be Mothered

05/10/13 Monika Comments (0)

Is it possible to Mother yourself when Mom’s not available or nearby?  I say yes.  I think the best thing your mother can do for you is to teach you how to mother and nurture yourself.  But let’s face it – it’s a skill, a talent and a gift.  Doing this kind of self care requires commitment like that of a mother.   But as an adult, it is the #1 thing you need to become adept at.

This Mother’s Day, while showering or being showered by attention, think of how you can become  more self reliant in the self nurturing arena.

Secrets to Get YOU Started on Your Nurturing Journey:

Secret #1 –Reflect:  Do you have time to reflect and think things through or are you always harried, frazzled and stressed?  Well if you spend most of your days in this anxiety prone state, you will not be on the road to long term health.

Learning to slow down and say no to all the distractions which take you away from your true self – your true core – will re-generate and honor your beautiful nature and soul.

Sounds like foreign territory?  You must learn to nurture yourself by creating time without pressure (one of my new mottos) and taking the time to give to yourself – even just a little.

Secret #2 – Journal:  I love to write. I find it a source of grounding, clarity and a place where my imagination can run free.  I get to work things out on paper.  It’s a safe and uncrowded place for me to explore and be as honest as I possibly can with myself.   I know you may not find this easy to do and may in fact run from the mere mention of sitting down to write out your deep and most private thoughts.  You scream out “I have no time, someone might read it, and I’m not much of a writer.”  Start with small steps.  Remember this is a place to get to know yourself better.  To get you started you may want to pick up the classic “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron.

Secret #3  Allow Others to do for YOU:  Alert, alert!  You can not do it all by yourself!  I mean you can, but at what price?  Do you want to constantly feel rundown while feeling virtuous about accomplishing a feat you had set out to do single handedly?  Wouldn’t you like to have a team helping you out all the way to the finish line?  Did you know, collaboration comes very naturally to women, and is so much more rewarding.  Women actually crave it.  Better satisfy this craving than your sweet tooth.  Your “team or helpers” will also feel special contributing.  They will feel a part of something and have a real sense of belonging.  Let them!  Let go of any martyr or saint tendencies.  Come to terms with the fact that you are a mere mortal with needs and an ability to ask for help (always!).

Secret #4   Make yourself Important: But don’t take yourself too seriously.  Don’t dismiss any thoughts or ideas you have.  Value them all – they are a part of you.  The worst thing you can do is attack, criticize or demean yourself in any way.  You want to be supportive of yourself at all  times just like a nurturing mother would be.

Secret #5   Take a Bath:  Nothing like a warm, sudsy, comforting, candle-lit bath at the end of a day that says “I love me”! No I don’t mean in a narcissistic way but in a loving, mothering, and accepting way.

The warmth of this simple yet soothing activity will go a long way.  You will feel calmer, more relaxed and you will sleep better, too.  Your calming brain chemicals, specifically Serotonin and Gaba, will be activated ensuring a deep and restful sleep.

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5 Keys to Putting Yourself First

03/13/13 Monika Comments (0)

Working with my clients on a regular basis I see an interesting and obvious phenomenon – they often come last. After the kids, job and spouse – there might be a little left over for them. And sometimes nothing is left over.

Try as you might to convince yourself that is the way things work in your life and let’s go even further – in society – you carry on. For whatever reason, you believe you are not ever going to have time, energy or the ability to focus on yourself, after all – there’s so much to do!

Here are YOUR 5 Keys on How to put Yourself First:

Key #1 Don’t Wait. If your spouse works late, try to serve yourself earlier so you don’t get stuck eating too late in the day, which can often be a problem potentially causing weight gain, disrupted sleep or digestive distress. Of course, if you want to share some special end of the day time with your spouse you can always opt for joining them at the dining room table once they sit down to enjoy their evening meal. Always make sure you’re taken care of. This same rule applies to your older children who are involved in after school activities as well.

Key #2 Have What You Want. When out with friends, family or colleagues forget about seeing what everyone else is having. Make sure you’re having what you want and ultimately need – a healthy meal, good company and enjoyment. Don’t worry that you may be missing out on something – remember you don’t want that food (type and/or quantity) to go from your eyes to your thighs. It can be especially difficult if one of your dinner mates is the type presumably that can eat whatever they want without gaining a lb. Unless you live with them you really don’t know what they are doing on a daily basis anyway. And you need to also consider their level of exercise, rest and genetics which can be significantly different from yours.

Key #3 Make Everyday Your Birthday. Why not? Feeling special is a basic human need. Treating yourself like you are the most important person in your life is a good idea. Upholding yourself without judgment is foundational to the work I do with clients. An amazing side effect of treating yourself well is that others will feel it, too. Just by association they will feel special. You and those you surround yourself with will benefit from your positive approach to life – it’s contagious. After all how can you be miserable if you feel special?

Key #4 The Gift of Nourishment. Giving yourself the gift of nourishing foods and enriching activities is extremely important. To function optimally you need to engage in, at least 80-90% of the time, things that invigorate and have meaning for you. Yes, even something as simple as a healthy balanced meal. The meal of salmon and asparagus for example, may not be exciting, but it’s definitely a healthy and nourishing meal.

Just last night my husband and I prepared our dinner together – something we don’t do often. It’s usually my husband who prepares the entire meal. But last night was different. I prepared the shrimp and he prepared a kind of simple almost pad thai type of sauce – curry powder, onions, garlic and Chinese-Vietnamese hot chili sauce called Sriracha and steamed asparagus. Voila – simple, healthy and oh so yummy! An example of nourishing foods and enriching activities all in one.

Key #5 Appetizers, Please. You don’t need to have a full meal when dining out. You can choose smaller plates like a small salad, sashimi or tuna tartar. Avoid the fried, greasy pre-meal bites often found in restaurants. Choose healthy, fresh and small. And remember even if you do have a main course you can always split it in half the minute the waiter brings it to you. You can physically separate it right away or at the very least visually – staking out your plate territory determining what goes in your tummy and what goes home with you to enjoy for tomorrow’s lunch possibly.

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Is it Play Time Yet?

01/25/13 Monika Comments (0)

The fall is often a time for getting down to business and along with that comes serious responsibilities with a lot of stress attached to it.  So you don’t end up relaxing very much and your stress mounts.  Stress is a killer – not only in that it creates all sorts of conditions in the body, but it’s also nearly impossible to lose weight under ongoing stress.  And if you do – you’re probably not losing the weight in the right way – as in you tend to lose lean muscle mass versus losing true body fat.  Today I’d like to give you some pointers on how to manage and overcome the on-going daily ravages of stress.

Your 5 Stress Reducers:

Stress Reducer #1  Take Your Targeted Supplements. Unfortunately, taking a Multiple Vitamin may not be enough.  You need additional support.  There are several effective supplements I’d like to recommend they are: Rhodiola, Phosphatidylserine, extra Vitamin C and Vitamin B6.  These particular supplements are meant to help you reduce the negative effects of stress on your body and mind.  You may think you don’t need anything extra but I’d like to ask you – would you rather take herbs and vitamins that will heal and support you or wait until you need prescription drugs or surgery to fix a stress induced issue? Yes, of course you want to be preventative.

Let’s look at these supplements a little closer – Rhodiola helps calm your mind and enhance mood, Phosphatidylserine is known to help with memory and attention, and additional Vitamin C helps restore depleted stores in your body caused by too much stress. And finally Vitamin B6 or Pyridoxine is a vital nutrient which helps build red blood cells in your body and, similar to Vitamin C, is depleted quickly during periods of stress.               

Stress Reducer #2  Get Checked. Have your physician take a Cortisol Level (blood test). Usually when under a good amount of stress you will be secreting an overabundance of cortisol which is hard on you body and hard on your waistline.  In fact, you may be asking “Waistline – what waistline – I can’t find it anymore!”  That is often the result of too much cortisol – you lose your waist and that one “oh-so-nice flat belly” – remember the days?

Cortisol is an Adrenal Hormone and is one of the 3 major hormones in your body –Adrenaline and Insulin being the other 2.  Adrenal hormones or stress hormones are responsible for your flight or fight response.  If you are constantly under pressure, meeting deadlines, over-scheduled you will find that your cortisol levels may initially be quite high but if this scenario lasts for an extended period of time your levels will go down.  Both high and low cortisol are undesirable.  You want balance in life and with your cortisol.

Stress Reducer #3  Enjoy Nature.  With autumn now in full “bloom’” it’s time to enjoy the beauty of the season.  Beautiful, changing colored leaves have a way of calming you down. When experiencing nature you may find that all of a sudden you really aren’t as concerned about getting that project done in record time anymore.  You are feeling more relaxed and centered. And you know what else is happening?  You’ve given yourself some time to unwind and slow down. The result of that is often discovering better and more creative ideas for tackling a problem. Your creative juices are engaged again and your have become more productive just by drinking in nature and appreciating your environment and the beauty of the natural world.

Stress Reducer #4  Detox.  Taking addictive, stimulating foods out of your diet for a period of time, or altogether can have tremendous healing power for you. Your system is no longer a battle ground trying to handle the less-than-healthy foods you are putting into it. Once you do this you’ll find your mind clearer and your body more energetic.  Those addictive foods are: sugar, caffeine, breads, sodas and foods you may not even know you are sensitive to and have issues with.  So taking a cleansing break would help you get back to feeling good again. I had a client who has done so well on her Skinny Jeans Quick Fix Program ™  that just last week she declared “I think I feel better than I have ever felt in my life or as far as I can remember”. Yes, she’s lost about 20 lbs. but she continues to abstain from foods that are not good for her.

Stress Reducer #5  Get Involved.  In my community there seems to be something going on all the time – classes, festivals, fairs, wine tasting events, exhibits you name it!  This month I’ll be a volunteer for the Annual Calabasas Pumpkin Festival.  If you live nearby try and make it – it’s a fun event or better yet volunteer – you won’t regret it.  There are so many things you can do just by taking a break and enjoying your own neighborhood.  These events are geographically close, they usually fit within your budget and you get to go out and meet new people and have new experiences. Getting involved is so vital for your brain function.  Learning new things helps develop and refine your brain’s ability to integrate and utilize information. It stays“plastic” a good thing in brain chemistry terms.  Your brain is malleable and, again, able to process new information readily.

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